I'm just trying to keep it together because I could do worse and you could do better. (8)

In my last post, I posted about how I want to be genuinely happy. You may think 'Why? Aren't you happy now?' and the truth is, I'm really not. It's days like today when I just want to break down in the corner because it just feels like everything is falling apart. 


Something that really annoys me is when people lecture me about the people with worse lives than mine and they think it makes me feel better. What actually happens is that I feel 10 times worse and like an ungrateful b*tch. When everything seems to be fine, it all falls apart, breaks apart. I don't think that there is one person in the world that has never wished for something better. 


I do have a decent life and yes, I do have food, water, shelter, a loving family and all that but somehow, I still feel lonely and plain helpless. They tell you that the ones with the biggest smiles are the ones that are crying inside and I can tell you that it's true. They also tell you that the ones that are worst to others are the ones that are suffering, that's true too.


Something else I'd like to lecture about is one extremely annoying b*tch. I call her my friend and I treat her like my friend. I used to trust her with so much that happened in my life but lately, she's just been getting on my nerves. Most people have been getting on my nerves, but her especially. She goes to my school and she lectures me every single f*cking day about how stupid I am and how I going to fail my A-Levels because I'm going to choose extemely hard subjects and I just think 'Shut up, you're not that clever either' because tbh, her mock results were worse than mine. She's meant to be smarter than I am but my marks are better than hers and she spends her whole life revising... I spend a maximum of 5 minutes before the exam revising for many subjects. I got a B/C in iGCSE German mock whereas she got a D in iGCSE French. None of these grades are decent but mine were still better than hers. ARGH. Here are the AS choices I want to make for my school: Maths, Further Maths, Chemistry, Economics and Photography (as well as Mandarin outside of school) and she's like 'YOU  WON'T BE ABLE TO DO THAT. YOU NEED TO CONSIDER HOW WELL YOU'RE DOING BECAUSE I DNT THINK YOU COULD COPE COS YOU'RE TOO DUMB' and she means it. I'm not clever, I have acknowledged that but I want to try because I know that I will regret it if I don't try. Erg, can't stand her nowadays.


You know what else I hate? I hate wannabe chinks. They annoy me SO much because it's like 'are you not proud of your ethnicity or something?' I also dislike chinks wanting to be korean or jap. That pisses me off as well. Soz to all you readers because many of you will come under this 2nd category. As long as you don't go overboard, I won't complain. I won't join in with you though, not even if it kills me. Arghhhhhhh. 


I have many more things to rant about but I'm so pissed off that I don't even wanna speak about it. I think I'll write it all down in my diary... then I can include names as well. >:D


See you.~